50 Niff Drabbles
by ishipthat
Summary: This is a set of Niff one-shots. Rated T for language. They're all written from one word prompts meaning that there are a range of different genres and ratings.
1. Fear

**This is the first in a series of Niff drabbles. I'm doing a 50 prompt challenge and all fics will be added as new chapters :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or the threesixmafia.**

* * *

><p><strong>Fear <strong>_n _1. Distress or alarm caused by impending danger or pain. 2. Something that causes distress _v_ 2. Be afraid of (something or someone). **Fear for **feel anxiety about something. **Fearful **_adj_ 1. Feeling fear. 2. Causing fear. 3. _Informal_ very unpleasant. **Fearfully** _adv _**fearless **_adj _**fearlessly **_adv _**fearsome **_adj _terrifying

– _Collins Dictionary 2000_

* * *

><p>People are foolish when they're scared; they do things that are normally out of character. Sometimes it'll be something unexpected, something that has never even crossed their mind before. It could be <em>anything<em>. Fear is an emotion that everyone has experienced before, and will continue to experience throughout their life.

Amongst humans it is common for fear to affect a person's sanity, causing temporary psychosis which can lead to irrational behaviour. Fear has been known to drive innocent people to murder, some to suicide and trustworthy persons to betrayal.

It is not something we can control and when people are exposed to objects or situations that induce fear little can be done to stop apprehension from arising within them.

It is an overpowering emotion, commonly perceived to be negative, but also believed to be positive in some form. Fear can cause adrenaline to be realised, saving a person's life. It is also something that connects as all; a common ground – many say it is the very thing that makes us human.

* * *

><p>Nick was scared of a lot of things, but not an unusual amount, just a lot. Most of those fears were considered rational and normal. For example he couldn't stand needles or heights, they were both rather unpleasant and simply the thought of either one of them made him cringe. He hated mirrors – but only in the dark – and the sight of blood or dead things made him vomit.<p>

One irrational fear he did have involved televisions.

So when Nick and Jeff were in their room at Dalton one Friday evening and Jeff had suggested watching a film Nick froze up. He'd always managed to avoid this situation previously so it had never become a problem but this was kind of unavoidable.

"Nick, did you hear me?" Jeff nudged his best friend from his position on the bed. Nick was now sat on the floor in front of the TV. "Are you up for it? We don't have to if you'd rather just go to bed now."

"No, no, it's okay." He tried to breathe in steadily but he could already feel the panic rising within himself. The buzzing at the back of his mind was screaming for him to stop as he slowly reached out to the on button.

_Almost there,_ he told himself.

Just before his finger could make contact with the shiny black surface an electrifying shiver zapped through his body and he leapt away from the floor. He pounced on Jeff and buried his face in the blonde's chest. He dreaded the moment when he'd have to explain himself. God, Nick felt so pathetic.

"Nick, Nicky, what it is?" Jeff shook him gently, attempting to coax the boy away from his body long enough to figure out what was wrong. "What happened?"

Then he felt dampness on his baggy t-shirt. Nick was crying; soft sobs muffled by his fist in his mouth. "Hey, it's ok." He cooed, stroking his friend's hair comfortingly.

"No, it's not." He panted. "I'm pathetic."

"Feel like talking about it?" Jeff almost laughed. He found Nick's vulnerability adorable, it was a side to him Jeff had never really witnessed before. It reminded him that his best friend was only human.

"Not really." Jeff nudged Nick. "Fine." He took a moment to pull away and dry his eyes. He coughed a few times and sat on the edge of the bed, facing his hands which were fiddling absently in his lap. "I'm scared,"

"Of what?" It came out as a whisper, as if softening his words would make the world seem calmer and less daunting.

Nick mumbled something along the lines of 'Jesus fuck, this is embarrassing' before continuing. "I, Uh, I just don't really like, um… I can't turn on the TV." He knew what Jeff was going to ask next so he saved him the breath and started to explain himself.

"When I was 7 my dad told me I wasn't allowed to watch TV past 10 o'clock. One day I snuck downstairs after he'd gone to bed and when I turned it on the channel was obviously playing a horror film because there was this…" The boys shivered at the memory, recalling it was obviously causing him distress. "It was the most terrifying face I'd ever seen. I had nightmares about it at least once a week until High School. I only get nightmares occasionally but it's still scary as fuck, even now."

Jeff didn't really know what to say. He knew what it was like having a fear like that. He knew what it was like trying to explain that to somebody else and for them to just _not get it_. It was frustrating and humiliating and generally not a nice thing to do.

"I understand," He shifted on the bed, moving closer to Nick so he could rest a hand on his shoulder. "I mean, I know what it's like having fears that no one gets."

Nick turned to look at him over his shoulder – he must have been crying that whole time because his eyes were as red as anything and his cheeks were soaked. Jeff could hardly stop himself when he shuffled forward and wrapped his arms around the boy, pulling him closer. And that's where they stayed for a good five minutes.

Then Jeff moved – pulling Nick with him - so his back was up against the headboard and Nick was lying on his chest. He seemed calmer now, and a lot less frightened. It was as though the fear had just drifted away and he was left feeling tired and emotionally drained.

It didn't take long for him to fall asleep, a soft 'thank you' playing on his lips.


	2. True Love

So this prompt is 'true love' and it's kind of a few snippets of Nick and Jeff's friendship that leads up to the whole 'true love' part :) If you have any prompts that you'd like to see just drop a comment and I'll see what I can do ;D

* * *

><p><strong>True love<strong>

When you would give up your whole world, give up your life; your everything just to make sure that person you love is ok...

-Urban Dictionary

* * *

><p>Jeff doesn't like to admit that <em>can't<em> fix the connection on his laptop when the Internet is down; it's just that Nick likes to help him. The connection speed on the Dalton wireless network had been running slow for weeks and needed updating so the connection was often lost. It wasn't uncommon for even the teachers to be unable to connect and it was slowing down classes to the point were it probably wasn't even worth going unless they had a textbook based lesson.

It was a Saturday and Jeff was playing mini-games on Facebook, sprawled out on his bed in a mess of sheets and dirty clothing. Nick was reading a book on his – decidedly tidier – side of the room when he heard frustrated grunts coming from Jeff's direct.

"Lost internet again?" The boy didn't even have to wait for a reply. He simply bookmarked his page and placed both the book and his glasses down on his bedside table. Nick smiled when he joined Jeff on his bed; the look of irritation on his face was utterly adorable, complete with furrowing eyebrows and a pouty lip.

A few clicks; one pass code and several failed attempts later it was back again. All the while Jeff smiled up at his best friend, finding comfort in his familiar scent and the warmth of the boy's body next to him. "Thanks." He muttered when Nick moved away again.

He turned back to his game, a giddy smile playing on his lips.

* * *

><p>Post at Dalton came on Tuesdays and Fridays. It was delivered in 50 different boxes all depending on your room number, and 20 different rooms all shared a box (there were 20 rooms in each 'hall') totaling up to 40 students per box. Sometimes it was a pain if you were the first to collect your post and it wasn't uncommon to have to sort through over 100 letters.<p>

Tuesdays meant it was Nicks turn to go collect – he and Jeff has assigned days to make it easier – but he was sneaky and left it till' late afternoon in the hopes that the rest of his hall had already collected.

He returned to his room with four letters to find Jeff doing his hair. "Dude, you got three." He chucked the letters on his bed and sat down to open his. "There's a postcard in there."

Jeff dropped his comb and scrambled for the card, throwing himself onto his bed in a sitting position. "It's from my parents!" Jeff's parents had been travelling in England for six months and they sent him postcards as often as they could, and Jeff loved his parents so hearing about their adventures always cheered him up.

When he was done reading it he opened the next envelope, that one being just another bank statement. Then came the last one, and the mere sight of the envelope made him sigh and pinch the bridge of his nose. It was from his dentist, and that meant only one thing; his check up date was due.

It's not that Jeff was scared of the dentist – he grew out of that when he was 11 – it just made him feel uncomfortable and he _hated_ going. Then he wondered if Nick would go with him, he'd sure as hell be more comfortable then. He could never be anything but happy in himself when he was with Nick; that's why they were best friends.

"_Nick_, because I'm your bestest friend and you know you love me most of all…" He sing-songed, rolling onto his back and dangling his head from the edge of the bed whilst Nick chucked his only letter on his desk.

"What is it, Jeff?" He tried to sound annoyed that Jeff wanted something but he could hardly fight back a smile at the boy saying 'you love me' because maybe there was a little truth in that.

He hadn't told Jeff he had feelings for him but he wasn't trying to hide it either. He just wanted to find the appropriate time to tell him. After all, he wasn't expecting anything to happen; he just didn't like keeping 'secrets' from his friend. (It wasn't much of a secret seeing as everyone and their mothers' mother knew about his crush).

And he called it a crush because sometimes the word 'love' scared him.

"It's nothing important, so if you're busy don't worry," He waved his hand around, trying to make it sound as if he didn't care. "But, yeah, will you come with me to… um," Okay, now he was saying it aloud it did sound a little stupid and immature that he needed his best friend to come with him to the dentist. "Will you drive me to the dentist this Thursday?"

Nick appeared to be thinking, the silence in the air made Jeff cringe. What if Nick thought he was scared to go alone? What if he saw right through him? The panic left him almost as quickly as it came. Even if Nick did think that he knew he would judge him or tease him, they were friends after all and Nick had never done anything to intentionally make Jeff uncomfortable.

"Sure, what time?" The brunette frowned a little when he responded with 'midday' because he was supposed to be meeting up with his older sister who he hadn't seen in almost a month. He didn't mention it to Jeff; instead he pulled out his phone and opened a new message.

"_Sorry Jess, something just came up. Can you do Friday instead?" _He sent it to his sister – Jessica – and the reply was almost instant.

"_Typical. What is it this time?" _Nick knew Jess wasn't really annoyed; she was just the same in High School and College, constantly canceling plans and always claiming she was busy when her family was involved.

"_Jeff wants me to drive him somewhere. Didn't really want to say no." _He never told her sister about his crush but he was pretty sure she knew already.

Once when she was in High School and 7-year-old Nick brought Jeff over for the first time she ran up to him and pinched his cheeks, fawning over how adorable he was. She laughed when Nick shooed her away shouting 'He's _my_ friend, not yours. Leave him alone you big meany!" From then on he was labeled 'possessive' by his whole family.

When he told his sister he liked boys – at the age of 12 – the first name she dropped was Jeff's. He told her, with a blush, to stop messing around and take him seriously. The fact of the matter was that he had a little crush on him back then that he guessed never really left him, and rooming with him at Dalton really reminded him why he liked him in the first place.

"_Oh, so are you guys together now?"_ Nick didn't even reply to that. She teased him for his crush relentlessly, begging him to give in and just tell Jeff. The boy kept claiming 'there was nothing to tell' but she ignored him.

Later that week (Thursday to be exact) Nick escorted Jeff to his black sports car in the parking lot of Dalton and set the sat-nav on his phone to the address of the dentist. The journey took 30 minutes there and back so he wasn't worried about gas until the fuel light in his car was flashing red.

Nick pulled over at a gas station ten minutes in to their trip.

By the time he'd finished filling up the tank Jeff was wondering back from the gas station shop with two Mountain Dews in his hand.

"Are you sure soda is a good idea when you're about to go to the dentist?" Nick laughed as they slammed the doors of his car shut. Jeff simply shrugged and grinned so Nick could see his teeth.

"You see that? Perfection! Pure, sparkling-white perfection." He joked dramatically, causing the other boy to laugh even more.

"Buckle up, you moron. We're going to be late and I don't want you dying in some horrific accident just because you're too stupid to put your seat belt on." He was serious really; Jeff's safety was a constant worry for him, as the boy didn't look after himself very well.

Nick glanced sideways as he drove off; admiring the way the sun illuminated the natural platinum blonde of Jeff's hair. When the rays hit his eyes in that way he could almost see sparks of yellow, gold and black, all mixing together to form a perfect brown. Nick cursed himself for being so cliché and thinking about his best friend in that way but sometimes he just couldn't help it. Jeff was so unbelievably beautiful to him.

By the time they'd arrived they were two minutes late but the receptionist didn't seem to mind. She smiled up at the boys and told them they could go straight through. Jeff was glad, knowing that the waiting was half of the issue when it came to appointments and such.

He looked up at Nick, as if searching for something in his eyes and the taller boy just put an arm around his friend and followed him in. He admitted that he didn't actually expect Nick to come in with him but he was extremely grateful he did without him having at ask or hint at it.

When the dentist had finished poking and jabbing around his mouth he turned to his assistant and started called out a bunch of number and letters that he assumed corresponded to certain teeth. Then he said the word 'filling'.

Jeff's face dropped when the man started to speak.

"You need a minor filling in one of your back teeth. It's only small so you don't need any injections or drilling. Also we can make it white instead of metal, meaning that you'll hardly be able to notice it." The man smiled and turned back to his computer for a moment, readying all his equipment.

"Nick," The boy leaned forward on his chair, close enough to grab his hand. "God, I hate getting fillings. I-" It was clear to Nick that he was freaking out, and all he could do was sit there helplessly and try not to freak out and the sight of his best friend freaking out.

"Hey, Jeff, look at me." He held Jeff's hand and placed the other one of top of them. "You'll be fine, you heard what he said anyway, no needles, no metal and no drilling. Everything will be okay." They were talking in hushed tones so the other two people in the room couldn't hear; it made everything sound more calming and relaxed. "I'm here, you don't need to worry."

And just like that Jeff felt okay again. He sat back but kept hold of Nick's hands. The dentist gave them a look when he saw their hands but said nothing and worked around it. Jeff tightened his grip when a foul taste flooded onto his tongue and it took everything he had not to gag.

When he was finished the man handed him a cup of mouthwash and Jeff spat it out into the sink.

"Oh God," he grumbled as Nick held his slouching form up against the sink "This tastes disgusting." Nick just patted down the boy's hair and kept repeating 'You'll be fine' softly in his ear as he took small sips of water.

* * *

><p>It was obligatory Lazy Sunday at Dalton, which fell on the last Sunday of every month. It was the day that no one studied or tidied, few people got dressed or left their rooms and it was the most peaceful day at Dalton by a mile.<p>

For Nick it was a shame that Jeff took the 'no tidying' thing very seriously, and not just on Lazy Sunday. His half of the room was a wreck. There were dirty clothes in pile, muddy shoes kicked off at the end of his bed, packets and plates and cups on every inch of his desk and bedside table. It was the one thing about Jeff he almost hated. Almost.

But when Nick came back some nights to find Jeff sleeping in his bed because his had too much junk on his own he couldn't help but melt a little. Especially when he went to sleep the next night with Jeff's aftershave and hair product tinting it's scent.

Whenever that happened he always – no matter how tired he was – cleaned up all the junk on Jeff's bed and put his stuff away in draws, boxes and on desktops.

Jeff left the room around three times every lazy Sunday; once in the morning to get them both coffees, once in the afternoon to grab a snack and once in the evening with Nick to get dinner or for coffee to go with their take-out.

When he left for his morning – actually afternoon because he woke up at 1am – coffee Nick took the opportunity to secretly tidy some of the mess. Some would call Nick a bit of a neat freak but when they did he just slapped them on the wrist and sent them on their way.

And this had to be the Sunday he got a little carried away. Jeff finally came back with two coffees in his hand and almost dropped them when he saw Nick folding his towel and putting it over the radiator.

"Nick!" He scolded. "You cleaned the _entire_ room?" Jeff put the cups down on two cups mats on the dresser. "I'm used to you completely ignoring the rules of Lazy Sunday but don't you think this is a bit much?"

He looked around the room. Every single inch of the place was practically gleaming, the wooden surfaces polished to perfection. There was neither a cup nor a wrapper nor a piece of dirty clothing in sight. That included his side of the room.

"Oops." Nick didn't sound at all guilty as he half-heartedly shrugged his shoulders and took a sip of his caramel mocha.

Before either of them could say anything more Jeff had almost jumped on him, shoving his cup on the nearest side, and started tickling his sides and behind his knees.

"Ack- Je- _Jeff_! C'mon, ah-I…" Jeff was close to straddling him on the floor as Nick rolled around beneath him. They both laughed breathlessly. "Jeff, ok-ah no! Come _on._"

"Say it. Say you're sorry." He chuckled, mercilessly poking his side.

"Fine, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"For what?"

"For being a neat freak!" He couldn't hold back his grin. "Now get off me, you big twit." Jeff tumbled sideways and hit the laminated flooring with a big 'oft'. The blonde was pretty much wetting himself with laughter.

Nick was laughing so hard he couldn't even stand up.

So they both just lay there, side by side on the floor, trying to calm themselves and by the time the laughter had subsided they were too tired to get back up. Jeff just shuffled over a little to grab his coffee, stretching out over Nick's chest as he did so. He sipped at it from an awkward angle and returned it to the side once more.

The brunette was lying with his hands folded across his chest and his leg bent upward at the knees. Jeff was the same, their bodies lying at different angles but their heads next to each other.

Jeff sighed and Nick just smiled contently.

Then the door swung open and Wes and Thad peered curiously at them.

"Are we interrupting…?" Thad stifled laughter.

"Guys, I know it's Lazy Sunday but don't you think just laying on the floor all day is a little excessive?"

The boy frowned at Wes before he continued on. "Well, I hate to disturb the peace but we have an emergency Warblers meeting, it shouldn't take more than an hour."

Nick grumbled and pushed himself to his feet, turning to take Jeff by the hands and yanking him up too. "Come on, we can bring the coffee with us." Jeff smiled – almost lovingly at Nick – as they left their room.

* * *

><p>Finals were starting in two weeks and the halls of Dalton were eerily quiet. Even though only seniors had study leave everyone else still had to revise for finals. Nick and Jeff shared all but two classes together so it was easy for them to study the same subjects together without running into too much trouble.<p>

One chilly afternoon, three days into the final two weeks Jeff was getting restless.

"Nicky, can we take a break?" He flopped down onto his bed and started tying the laces on his black winter boots. They went perfectly with his black skinny jeans and pink and blue shirt. Nick, on the other hand, wore scruffy jeans and a long sleeve button up pushed to his elbows.

"If you promise never to call me 'Nicky' again then yes."

"Fine, I promise." He threw Nick a fake cheesy grin and tossed him a jacket. "We're going for a walk." He demanded. "We've hardly moved from this room in days and I swear my legs are about ready to drop of from lack of use."

Nick just shook his head and slipped on some trainers. Jeff picked up one of Nick's old scarves and wrapped it thoughtfully around his neck; it matched his outfit anyway.

They trekked out the back of their hall to one of the courtyards, which over looked miles of fields – some owned by Dalton for sports in the summer. It was littered with trees, the majority of them bare from the approaching winter, and dying flowerbeds that surrounded benches and archways. There was a stone fountain not far from the courtyard that trickled musically in the background, giving it a gentle atmosphere.

In that moment, there with Jeff in the crisp afternoon air near the end of their time at Dalton, that was the moment for Nick. That was the moment he realized it wasn't a crush. He couldn't think of any other time to tell Jeff but now. Except now he was ready he couldn't find the words.

Millions of things raced through his mind, and he wanted to tell his _best friend_ everything. Every last little thought and feeling, every memory and dream and wish. He wanted him to know everything about him – more than he did already. There was a whole new side of him that he wanted Jeff to discover.

That was when doubt started to slip through into his conscious stream of thinking. What if Jeff didn't want to know him? Maybe Jeff liked this Nick, the one that stood before him with friendship in his heart and a smile on his lips. It had the potential to change their relationship for bad or for good, but definitely forever.

"Jeff," He started but had no idea what to say next. Then the blonde turned to face him and his heart almost stopped. _No matter what comes our way we'll be friends forever._ "I need to tell you something." Just as he thought he couldn't be more at peace with the world and with himself Jeff smiled. It was the most honest and simple smile he'd seen, and it was most definitely the most beautiful.

"These past few years, with you at Dalton, they've been amazing." The days they spent together were immeasurably awesome. Even the days they spent surround by their friends, hardly talking, just watching and communicating with looks rather than words. Even the days they were overwhelmed by work and didn't have a minute to spare. Even the days they were ill, or upset or heartbroken. Even they days they fought or pissed each other off.

Every day was breath taking when Nick was with Jeff.

"And, no matter what happens I want you to remember that, remember us and everything in-between." Jeff was looking concerned now; it wasn't like Nick to be this serious with him. "I've had a crush, on you, for… God knows how long." The expression on Jeff's face was unreadable but his sharp intake of breath spoke volumes.

"I'd never been in love; I didn't know what it felt like or how to be sure. I didn't know if there was a certain way to tell if I was in love and frankly, the thought scared me." The brunette reached out to take Jeff's hand; the boy didn't flinch away so he took it as a sign to continue.

"But, seeing you face, hearing your laugh and making you smile… it just made me realize that maybe I don't have to be sure that it's love. Maybe I could just take a chance, take a leap of faith and hope that you'll be there with me even if I fall." His heart stuttered in his check and the lump in his throat was building with each breath he took.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is: jump with me, Jeff. Because, I think I might just love you. Just a little bit… just a lot." The last part was whispered as if he expect Jeff to talk over the top of his words in an attempt to cover them up and ignore them and pretend they weren't already out there.

Jeff just moved close to Nick underneath the bare branches of the winter-struck trees and took hold of his other hand. "I think that, maybe- I mean, there's a chance that… I might just love too. A lot."

Nick swore to himself that he almost cried of happiness in that moment, but instead he swallowed down the ball of emotion building inside – he swallowed down the apprehension, the denial, the disbelief, the nerves and the blinding happiness. He threw it all away and just wrapped his arms around Jeff, threading fingers in the back of his hair and burying his nose into his neck.

"I love you, Jeff."

The blonde warbler hugged him back, resting his hands on either side of his waist when he pulled back for a kiss.

And there they were, hesitantly inching closer, their hot breath mixing visibly in the bitter air. Nick put his hand on the side of Jeff's face and the boy returned the gesture before he pressed his lips firmly to his best friend's. There were no fireworks, just a fiery heat rising in their chests; that beat clichéd fireworks any day.

Then Jeff pulled back, took one look at the dazed expression on Nick's face and burst into laughter. He clapped a hand over his mouth, trying to hold back but he could hardly take it. He felt like he was going to explode from the sheer amount of love he held in his heart for the boy in front of him. He nearly knocked Nick over with the force of his second hug, clutching onto him for dear life and chanting 'I love you' into his shoulder.

Nick didn't reply with words. Instead he forcefully slammed Jeff's back into the nearest tree and grabbed a fistful of his hair. Their lips moved together passionately and Jeff flicked his tongue out to meet Nick's. The kiss slowed and they moved their tongues against one another, savoring the taste. Soon it was all hands roaming under pieces of clothing and tongues finding, exploring.

Before they could get carried away they heard cheering from across the other side of the courtyard. And standing there must have been every single Warbler, smiling, clapping and cheering them on. Nick blushed and hid in Jeff's arms. Jeff just poked his tongue out at them.

"Bugger off, you perverts, he's mine." He yelled before finding Nick's lips for a final breathless kiss.

"I love you, so much." And that's when Nick knew it was real. He was in love. It was honest, real, true love.

_Sometimes it's the little things that make up true love._


	3. Food

**Try and struggle through the diary entry. I know it's long and boring and badly written (just like the rest of this fic) but I'm working on it. Everyone's got to start somewhere, right?**  
><strong>Helpful feedback would be wonderful if you have a minute to spare, and thank you for stopping by to glance at this poorly written bunch of fics, haha.<strong>

* * *

><p>Jeff came back from class with a stack of homework and a Styrofoam cup of coffee. He sat down at Nick's laptop and saw that iTunes was already loaded so clicked on his homework playlist and got out all his books for English.<p>

Nick should've been back by now, his class finished ten minutes before Jeff's and it didn't take that long to walk across campus. The thought didn't last long because something else more important, more immediate, and more concerning caught his attention.

* * *

><p><em>I didn't mean to stop eating, I really didn't. I've never had a major issue with the way I looked before, and I still don't. It doesn't mean I can't look in the mirror and think 'what if I lost a few pounds?' <em>

_It's the end of summer and I'll be back to Dalton soon. I'll be back to my friends and the Warblers and to seeing the ever-wonderful Jeff everyday. Maybe he'll look at me twice when I lose weight, and I might just stand a chance with him if I work out more too. _

_I've started going to the gym, jogging every morning and lifting weights whenever I have a minute to spare. I can already feel the difference. My body feels tired constantly, and it aches, but it's a good kind of ache. I know that if I can feel the pain in every inch of my body it _must_ be working. I just know everything will be much better when it all starts paying off properly._

No one has ever told me I look good before, and I guess it kind of hurts. They've never spared a nice comment for me, and they most certainly haven't told me I'm skinny or muscled or fit. And I used to think it was down to the fact that I wasn't around girls often but now I know it isn't. It's all my fault. I'm stupid enough to eat more than I need.

_I can pretty much tell you right now that this isn't an eating disorder or body dismorphia and there's no damn way I'm going to start chucking up every time I eat. I do eat dinner, but I don't snack and I'm up too late for breakfast. I allow myself one other thing to eat in the day, normally around 3pm, like a piece of fruit or something with less that 100 calories. _

_I still get hungry. But now I've just learnt to enjoy it. It feels good to have an empty stomach; whenever I eat I feel sluggish and sick and so _full._ I don't like feeling full; I just can't help but see myself as a failure when I eat more than I need. It's disgusting._

_Food tastes different now. Everything is dull, salty and feels _wrong_ on my tongue. At first it was just eating in the mornings, I could be hungry as anything but it didn't matter, the food didn't belong in my mouth – as hard as I tried I couldn't swallow more than a mouthful._

_I've got everything planned out for when I go back to Dalton though. I'll get up before Jeff does, go for a run, say I went to breakfast without him then walk to class. At lunchtime if he asks why I'm not eating I'll just say, "I've gone off eating lunch, I prefer a big breakfast" then he won't ask again. Then I'm safe until dinner – I only have small portions so he won't notice as long as I eat it all. When we get free periods we can go on walks together and I'll convince him to work out with me._

_Everything is going to be amazing! I'll be fit and skinny, and Jeff will see me in a new light. I'm going to be fine._

* * *

><p>The diary entry ended there. Jeff knew he shouldn't have read it, but he saw his name when he minimized Nick's iTunes on his laptop. The blonde just sat there, frozen, with his mouth agape. A nauseating shock buzzed through him and he felt <em>awful<em>.

Tears began to gather in his eyes, his heart clenched painfully and it was like his throat was closing up. He couldn't breathe. _What had he done? _Why did he invade his best friends privacy like that? No decent human being did such a thing. It was low and broke down all the trust he'd build up with Nick over the years.

Then it settled in his mind. It dawned on him what he'd just read. Nick was starving himself because he was so desperate for Jeff to look at him – to notice his beauty. Jeff already did! Jeff could see how heartbreakingly flawless Nick was on the outside, he guessed it wasn't the same on the inside when it came to confidence.

He thought about when that meant. If he could appreciate his obvious beauty on the outside what was so wrong with the rest? What was missing from all this that he couldn't grip?

Maybe Nick_ was _beautiful on the inside too. After all, Jeff did find him hilarious, thoughtful, deep, generous, caring and so full of love. He wondered, sometimes, how it was possible for a person to be so marvelous, so passionate and loving. Jeff secretly wondered how he could harbor so much love for the world and people around him and not feel the same for himself.

Jeff though long and hard about the situation, and how all this was going to play out. He didn't know how to confront him about it and not lose his trust. How was he going to come out of this with their friendship in tact?

_He wasn't._

He was going to come out of this with more that just his friendship. He was going to come out of this with his heart, and his love. He was going to come out of this with Nick, with Nick knowing that he can love himself, and when he loves himself someone else can love him in return.

Then the door opened and Nick stepped inside. His ear plugs where still in, muffled music dancing in the air around him. He'd obviously just come from a jog, which caused Jeff to frown deeply, a feeling similar to heartbreak rushed through him.

Before he could stop himself he reached out, gently pulled the earplugs from Nick's ears and held him in a tight embrace. His hair covered his eyes so Nick couldn't see the tears he was blinking back. Nick gasped and tried to look up and his best friend, but all he could do was steady himself against Jeff's chest

"You're beautiful." Nick didn't move, he didn't speak or react in any way. Jeff pulled back; letting him arms drop carelessly, and sat on his bed, as if nothing had happened. When Nick looked into his eyes, searching for an answer, he found tears.

_Disappointment,_ he thought.

"Jeff-" He was cut off by the boy leaping to his feet and gripping the sides of his face. Jeff couldn't take it anymore, the heartbreaking expression painted in Nicks face made him want to kiss away all the hurt he was feeling deep down. Then he brought their faces together and whispered on his lips, "You're beautiful, both inside and out. You have such a big heart and so much love. You need to learn to give yourself some of that love, because you deserve it. And, maybe, when you can love yourself, you might find that someone else can love you too."

He let the words settle in the stiff air before placing a simple kiss on Nick's trembling lips. That's where it ended, like a promise; like an open hand, ready to help Nick up.

Nick didn't even question it. He acted like it didn't shake him to the very core. Then he took a big step, both metaphorically and physically, and opened one of the desk draws. He pulled out a packet of Oreo's, sat down with Jeff on his bed and started eating them. He got halfway though the packet when Jeff pounced on him, pinning him down on the bed and attacking him with his mouth.

"Oh God," He could hear the distant sound of the Oreo remains hitting the floor. "So proud," Jeff muttered between kisses "I love you."

He could taste chocolate on his tongue, and then some foreign taste that flooded his mouth, making him deepen this kiss.

Nick didn't even get time to react or question anything. And instead of studying the situation to hard to second-guessing anything he just grabbed fistfuls of Jeff's luscious blonde hair and rolled on top of him, moaning breathlessly.

"I'm sorry for what I did, I just- I never thought," He panted roughly, his serious expression shattering into laughter. "I love you, I'd do anything for you."

Jeff kissed his forehead, bringing Nick to lie against him on the thin bed. "You shouldn't ever do anything to hurt yourself, you matter too much to me for me to lose you over something as stupid and unimportant as looks."

How had Jeff been missing that all this time? How had he not seen how amazing and beautiful Nick was on the inside? At least he knew now how much he loved him, before it was too late.

"You're so amazing." Jeff could no longer put into words how he felt about Nick.

"I've loved you for so long. I never even thought you'd love me in return so from now on, I promise you that no matter what I'll never hurt myself, or try to bottle up how I feel. I trust you, Jeff, with everything." Nick snuggled into his side and hooked his leg around him, slowly nodding off.

"I'm glad." Jeff could tell Nick was already asleep; his breath evened out. "And I promise that no matter what I'll never hurt you, or do anything to lose your trust again."

* * *

><p><strong>Well, I'm not too pleased with how this turned out. I pretty much used my life as inspiration there, which kind of isn't right but... oh well!<br>Next theme is 'pictures' :)**


	4. Pictures

**I have decided that there has been too much fluff. Major angst warning, character death, possible triggers?**  
><strong>Just a note, all these one-shot are unrelated, therefore the genrerating will be unpredictable. I'll try to leave any major warnings before each one :)**

* * *

><p><em>I think somewhere along the way you lost what it meant to love. <em>

Nick stared down at the words he'd scribbled that night on the back of a photograph. The black ink was smudged by droplets of water, _tears_, which spread the colour in a monotone rainbow, following the random patterns of the liquid. He could still make out what it said and remember why he'd written it.

The glossy paper reflected one little moment, captured on film from a variation of light and the way it bounced from object to object, returning beams of colour. But that was it, that's all it ever was, a trick of the light. The smiling face he saw on the paper wasn't his own; he didn't recognize it. He couldn't remember what it felt to be happy, so it couldn't be him.

But yet, it was still there, his face grinning to the camera with one arm slung casual over Jeff's shoulder. Jeff was happy too- at least… he looked it then. But the happiness on his lips didn't shine so brightly in his eyes, instead he could see sadness, anger and hopelessness. The photograph was a lie. It was an echo of what he used to have. It was a constant reminder that Jeff had left him

Nick supposed they were happy when they finally got together, but that didn't last as long as the heartbreak did. The boy let his eyes flicker closed as the memory flooded lazily back to him in a flow of pictures and words.

_"Nick, I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend that this means something… because it doesn't." Jeff couldn't bring himself to cry, he'd cried so much every night it was a wonder how he even stayed hydrated anymore. His voice was thick with pain, and regret, quiet sobs slipped past his lips almost easier than those heartwrenching words._

"_This is a goodbye. As in, I'm not ever coming back. But trust me when I say that this isn't to do with you, you did nothing wrong. I just can't pretend I care about this relationship when I obviously don't." He turned to leave but Nick grabbed his elbow. Tears built swiftly in his eyes, flooding his delicate eyelashes before cascading onto his flushed cheeks._

"_Please, I just- I don't understand. Why are you doing this to me? Is it really that easy for you to toy with my emotions, even when you knew how fragile I was?" Jeff just nodded; the note of resignation in his near expressionless face didn't go unnoticed._

"_You are heartless, Jeff. Out of all people that had the power to break my heart I didn't think you'd be the one to actually do it." Nick cried openly now. He twisted his fingers in the rough fabric of his t-shirt and let the hand that was gripping the blondes arm steady him as he fell to the ground._

"_I promise you, we'll both be happy again some day. It's better this way." He crouched down and pushed Nick's ruffled hair back, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. And with that Jeff was gone, leaving behind his once best friend broken on the floor of their old dorm room._

He still didn't understand exactly why Jeff had left him, and maybe that made it hurt even more. Like the knife Jeff had plunged into his chest when they broke up wasn't enough, he had to twist it deeper and chuck salt on the wound. He couldn't just leave it at 'it's not you, it's me'. Was he trying to make Nick hate him; or was he just trying to break him?

* * *

><p>A year later he was curl up in a grubby chair in the middle of his dark, dingy apartment. The TV served as his only company, and the picture of him and Jeff still sat in a frame on a coffee table beside him.<p>

The news lady on the screen was talking about some poor lad who'd passed away in his hospital bed after a year of fighting off cancer. Nick's mind was other places until he saw the photograph on the screen.

At first he knew he was seeing thinks, the exact same picture he'd glanced at moments before was now glaring at him in a saturated blur. His face had been pixilated so all you could see was Jeff.

Then the phone rang.

He couldn't even bring the words to his lips as his picked it up. Instead he listened.

"Nick, is that you?" The raspy voice barely registered in his mind; it was Jeff's mother.

"Uh, yeah… it's, it's me." He unblinking eyes rapidly darted from the screen to his picture frame.

"Oh my gosh," She sobbed "I'm so glad I've found you at last. He didn't want to tell you, Nick. He didn't want you to know that- that… he had cancer." Nick was sure his heart couldn't break anymore but in that moment he swears he felt it slow, like it was giving up, like it didn't even want to beat anymore.

"He thought leaving you, making you hate him – he thought it'd be easier than you knowing the truth. He thought maybe you'd move on and forget about him that way. Instead of being hung up and broken on the fact that he wouldn't be in this world anymore. He wanted to spend his last days with you, but the doctors refused and said he had to stay at the hospital. He fought, everyday, to come back and see you one last time, but the months dragged on and soon no one could contact you." He could hear her crying.

And suddenly he wished he'd hung on longer just like Jeff had. Suddenly he wished he hadn't run away from Dalton, and from his family and cut all his ties with his home.

"He lived a whole 9 months longer that we thought he would. All because of you. He loved you, so much. He regretted what he did, but still wanted you to carry on without him, no matter what it took."

Never before had Nick wanted to wake up so badly. He knew this couldn't be real, because the pain felt inside had gone. It was instead replaced with numbness, accompanied but rational understanding, and joined but a dash of terrible depression.

His eyes held nothing but blank tears and he knew he couldn't. He just couldn't any longer.

* * *

><p><strong>Wow, didn't actually expect anyone to like this! So thank you, to everyone who has left a comment and taken the time to read this :) I promise you it'll be fluff next!<strong>


	5. Guitar

**Apparently I made some people cry ;_; I'm sorry. So here, have a quick drabble I whipped up for you! It's a little rushed but eh, you guys seemed a little depressed after that last one.**

* * *

><p>The Warblers filed out in a fashion the sane would call far from orderly, but that was about as orderly as the teenage boys got. Practice had been good that week, consisting of two solos that didn't go to Blaine and an amazing dance number that was sure to win over the judges come sectionals.<p>

Nick shuffled along behind the rest of the crew, they were laughing, shouting and he heard snippets of a dozen conversations all going on at once. The quieter boy smiled at anyone who turned his way and he tried not to look too suspicious, dawdling behind the rest.

When they'd all left the hall the brunette closed the doors softly behind him in an attempt not to draw to much attention to it. It was forbidden for students to use the Warblers hall on their own without talking to Wes or David first. Ever since Pavarotti was set free from his cage that time and Wes and Thad had spent two days trying to get him back in again it had become mandatory to make an 'appointment'.

Nick wasn't normally one for rule breaking but he believed he had a valid reason for this. The perfect, glossy guitar stood, almost gleaming, in the afternoon sunlight by the window. The opportunity was too good to pass up. Next thing he knew he found himself sat on the expensive rug with his back again one of the sofas, strumming away rhythmically.

He wasn't an expert guitar player, nor was he confident enough to play in front of people, so nobody – not even Jeff – knew he played. That was until one of the doors creaked open and the afore mentioned blonde tiptoed inside.

At first it appeared neither of them noticed the other; Nick was quietly tuning one of the strings and Jeff had his eye on the door. When Jeff stepped backward a few paces he almost hit the back of the sofa, meaning he didn't notice Nick on the other side.

Then Nick started to play. The song was one the Warblers had performed before at an impromptu lunchtime performance in four-part harmony, but honestly the song sounded far better when it was simple, acoustic and sung by one male vocalist.

Well, I won't hesitate no more

_No more_

_This is our fate_

_I'm yours_

Jeff was silent as anything as he peered over the sofa to get a look at who was playing. When he saw his best friend he couldn't help the gasp that escaped his lips. "Nick?"

The boys' head snapped up to look at his friend. "I-I, uh. Hi." He painted a nervous smile on his face and pushed the guitar off his lap.

"Why didn't you tell me you played guitar?" Jeff sounded slightly offended that his best friend obviously felt the need to hide it from him.

"I'm not very good, I can't really play at all… so I didn't bother." His laugh was forced and a little shaky.

"You play beautifully." Jeff gushed, and before he knew what he was saying he blurted "You look pretty." A blush crept swiftly on his cheeks and he stuttered "I mean, it suites you. Guitar. You, you'd look, well, you'd fit in a band or something. It just… looks right." He tried to play it off as nothing, ruffling the hair and the nape of his neck.

Nick just laughed, a genuine laugh this time, and gave Jeff a sweet smile. "Thanks, Jeffy."

There was a moment of silence before Nick spoke again.

"We better get out of here before we get caught." He placed the guitar back on the stand and headed for the door. "Why were you even in here anyway?"

"Oh, left my Chem. book on the table." Jeff thanked that Chemistry book so hard. If it wasn't for that he'd have never discovered one of his favorite things about Nick; he was a closet guitar player, and Jeff was the only one that knew.

* * *

><p><strong>I should also let you guys know that I'm working on a Jeff!twin fic, inspired by (CP Coulter's) Dalton. I wanted to have Niff lovin' with a twin thrown in. Maybe some Niff+twin lovin' if it fits ;) I shall keep you posted in case this comment has jinxed it and it fails.<strong>


	6. Eyeliner

**Welp. I haven't posted anything in a while so have this eyeliner drabble! I'll be updating when I can but I'm in my final year at school so coursework and exams are actually killing me.**

* * *

><p>"Jeff, can you help me?" Nick asked him the very second the blonde entered their dorm room. He was stood opposite the mirror with what looked like a pencil in his hand.<p>

"Sure, what with?" Jeff could see the way his best friends hand was wobbling ever so slightly and started to wonder what he was up to.

"Well, I'm trying to put this on but my hands aren't steady enough." Nick gestured towards the object in his hand. When Jeff took it from him to see what it was he saw the words 'black soft tip pencil eyeliner' faded on the side in silver writing.

"Is this your sisters?" He swallowed back a laugh at the mental image of Nick stealing his eleven-year-old sister's make-up.

"Maybe."

"May I ask why you're putting your sister's eyeliner on?" Nick just shrugged in response.

"I thought it might look cool." Jeff almost laughed again; the thought of his best friend in make-up was rather hilarious.

After a moment of silence Jeff grabbed the boy's shoulders and moved Nick into the light. He instructed him to tilt his head back; Jeff cupped his cheek and started to apply the pencil just under his eye. One he'd finished he stepped back to admire his work.

_Damn, _Nick looked hot in eyeliner.

"How do I look?" Nick batted his eyelashes mockingly before turning to look in the mirror. "Hmm, I'm not sure if it suits me."

Jeff squeaked, "No, definitely suits you just fine," in return. The blonde then promptly left the room to take a cold shower, a scarlet blush scorching the tips of his ears.

* * *

><p><strong>This may or may not be dedicated to Kayla and I's obsession with guyliner on Riker and Curt.<strong>


	7. Halloween

**Have a cheesey Halloween drabble :D It's not really to do with Halloween, it's more of an excuse to snuggle. Prompted by lauranicuspond** :)

* * *

><p>"Jeff! Hey- ow…" Nick sprinted down the corridor towards Jeff's door, stubbing his toe on the doorframe as he skidded to a stop. "Jeff, come on, open up." He banged on the door repeatedly, not stopping to listen for an answer. When it swung open Nick only just stopped his fist before it collided with the blonde's face.<p>

"What is it this time, Nick?" Jeff sighed, not even stopping to talk to Nick before retreating back into his room and flopping down on his bed, next to a large stack of school work.

Nick had been excited all week in the lead up to his favorite holiday, and had come running to Jeff every time he thought of a new costume idea for them both; each time Jeff had crushed his ideas, poked holes in all his plans and insulted every attempt Nick made to convince Jeff to go trick or treating. It still didn't make a dent in Nick's brilliant mood.

"Alright, this one you'll love. I'm sure of it." Nick beamed, taking a seat on the floor, looking up at Jeff's bed. "I'm thinking old school: zombies, werewolves, vampires and all that. It would be _so_cool!"

"Nick, I don't want to go out, okay?" He turned to the brunette. "Just take a look around. Did you ever think that maybe there was a reason I don't want to?" Jeff sounded irritated and exhausted, the bags under his eyes hinted towards lost sleep and a bad diet. When it finally clicked Nick looked taken back.

"But, why are you studying so hard? You do realize exams aren't for months yet."

"Yes, I know," He snapped "But I got a C in my English, Nick. English is one of my favorite subjects so if I'm failing that I must be doing _something_ wrong." There was a moment of silence that was broken by Nick's laughter.

"So you decided to swamp yourself with work and get all stressed out? Jeff, you are ridiculous." Nick couldn't hold back the genuine smile that broke across his face at the sight of Jeff's furrowed eyebrows. "Look, forget Halloween; just take a break at least. We'll stay in, watch some movies and avoid all the madness. Ok."

"I don't know, Nicky…"

"That wasn't a question. You look crap and you've hardly slept from the looks of things, so I'm not letting you throw away a chance to take a break." Jeff just smiled at how concerned his friend seemed; it surprised him how willingly Nick gave up his Halloween plans just to help him out.

"Alright. Okay, I'll take a break with you." Nick grinned even more.

"How about I help you out with some of this?" The brunette questioned, hopping up onto Jeff's bed and picking up the nearest textbook. Jeff happily accepted the offer and they got stuck in to his Latin homework.

* * *

><p>They'd gotten halfway through Saw II before Jeff started nodding off. Nick went to switch off the TV but when he did he heard Jeff protesting from their pillow fort on Nick's bed.<p>

"Why are you turning it off?" He mumbled sleepily.

Nick chuckled softly at him, turning the lamp beside his bed on. "Because you're about to fall asleep on my bed." Jeff didn't look like he was going to move. "Come on." Nick held out his hand to help Jeff up, but instead he was pulled down by the blonde.

"Not moving." He grunted into Nick's shoulder. "Too comfy."

"Oh, so now you're taking over my bed and trying to send my arm to sleep?" Jeff's head was resting on his shoulder as Nick half-sat on the bed, back propped against a mountain of cushions. He felt Jeff nod against him. "What, this is snuggle time now?" He laughed.

"It's nice." The boy hummed.

"Yeah," Nick thought about how warm he felt next to Jeff, and how easily he could fall asleep like that. "I suppose it is nice."

"Night Nicky." Jeff's voice sounded distant and quiet as he leant over to turn the lamp off.

"Goodnight Jeff." He moved without thinking so they were side by side, close enough to cuddle into each other. He wrapped his arms around Jeff, hooked one leg over him, and placed a small kiss on his forehead – because it was nothing new for them, they were always intimate enough to snuggle and occasionally leave little kisses on each other's cheeks. It just proved how close they were as friends – and _maybe_ they were on their way to something more... but that's a different story.


	8. Fights

**Nick and Jeff had a fight and this is the aftermath. Sorry I haven't posted in a while, and sorry that this is so short. If you bug me more I'll probably write you more usless drabbles in my free lessons.**

* * *

><p>"Hey," His voice was soft and timid as he entered the dark room. Jeff didn't look up from his position on his bed, the warm glow from the lamp illuminating one side of his face. The pages of the book crinkled beneath his tightening grip and the words that had previously captured his attention were now blurring into a mass of strange symbols. "Look, I just came to apologise for what I said." Nick kept his hand on the door knob, as if holding it brought security and comfort to him; he was clearly anxious.<p>

"It's okay man; you were pissed off, I get it. I don't-" The blonde hesitated, trying to keep his tone neutral. "I don't care."

"Well I do!" Nick snapped. Jeff's carelessness was starting to anger him. That was the reason they'd fought in the first place. Jeff had been detached like he didn't care about Nick anymore, like their friendship didn't mean anything. It frustrated Nick; he felt like he'd done something wrong.

"Why?" That was all Jeff could bring himself to say. And whilst he sat ignorantly in the corner – eyes unmoving from his book – Nick let go of the door handle.

"I care because," Was he going to say it? Would he take a risk and put their friendship on the line? Nick could handle the pressure of keeping it a secret anymore; it was tearing them both apart. "I care, Jeff, because I love you."

Nick watched his tense expression fall – in time with the book that fell so easily from his grasp – and his brow furrowed in confusion.

"Don't." He wasn't brave enough to look Nick in the eyes; he knew if he did, even for a second, he'd let himself believe that Nick cared. "You don't get to just walk in here and pretend you care."

The brunette couldn't take it anymore, they went days without talking and now they were Jeff looked like he was going to break down any moment. He let the door fall shut behind him and slowly approached the boy who was now fiddling with his hands in his lap. Nick reached out to take Jeff's hands in his own, and for the first time in days Jeff actually looked at him.

"Jeff, I love you. And I'm sorry if that isn't what you want to hear, but I need you to know that I care about you too much to just sit around and watch you cry." Nick's hands felt warm and comforting, like they brought Jeff back down to reality. He felt happier than he had in week, just letting the feeling of Nick's thumb smoothing over the back of his knuckles wash over him.

As Jeff sat there, staring into Nick's eyes, he could tell he meant every word.

"I'm sorry I acted like a jerk, and I'm sorry I said I didn't care about you. I was just… scared." Nick's grip tightened as Jeff spoke. "I love you, but please, can things not change? I love being your best friend more than anything, I don't know if I could handle losing that."

"We can still be best friends. "Nick smiled reassuringly "We'll just have to be best friends that say 'I love you'."

Jeff smirked, "I could live with that."

Nick leaned in slowly, pressing his lips to Jeff's forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"I really do love you." Nick sighed.

Jeff laughed at that, "I really love you too."

"I can't stop saying it." Nick's ecstatic grin crinkled the corner of his eyes, and made the dimples in his cheeks stand out.

"Neither can I." They leaned their foreheads together, just sitting with their fingers entwined for a while. It was so peaceful.

"I love you, Nicky."

"Love you too, Jeff."


End file.
